Do I dare to eat a peach?

When it's 11:40pm on a Tuesday night and I am mulling things over, I often make promises I fully believe I'll keep, and hardly ever do. It never fails- after about 11pm on any given night, I come alive, and I start thinking things are possible, that I can live larger in the world, that tomorrow, tomorrow, I will be a more energetic, hopeful, helpful version of myself. I seem to come to the brink of myself that holds on to all the hurt and uncertainty, and I let go. And forgiveness feels possible. Freedom starts to seep in, like the source of a spring, and at some point I fall asleep in that freedom.

I never do learn my lesson. I can never quite give in to the empirical reality that I will wake up late tomorrow, that I'll spill a glass of water as I get up to leave, that I'll scramble around all day, forgetting to eat meals in the mayhem created by my expectation that I can get more done in a day than I can, that I can be more than I should be.

At 12:06am on this Tuesday night, I decide I will start blogging again, after,... I don't even remember when. Right now, I believe I can be a person who blogs. A person who is in such control of their life that they somehow have time to share that life with the world wide web. A person audacious enough to believe that her life is worth sharing. A person confident enough to air her dirty laundry. (Hm. I like that phrase- it gives me a very specific picture.)

In conclusion, just for a little flair: from the mouth of ol' J Alfred, the archetype of the struggle between hope and self-doubt.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair—	40
(They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”)
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin—
(They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”)
Do I dare	45
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.