dirty feet.

I was in a bad mood yesterday. I had been inside all day editing photos for MOHI, and I wasn't feeling well. I didn't go out into the slums all day (a first), and I think that made it easier for me to feel sorry for myself, to be stuck in my head. And so I got home, and I was just feeling trapped in my head, in my life here; I was angry- the kind of anger you experience when you feel helpless, lost- when you don't know where home is anymore, or when you know you can't go back to it, can't reach it.

So I went for a walk. I've been wanting to visit this church in the neighborhood, so I decided to try and find some place there to pray, to find some quiet. When I got there, a group of neighborhood boys were playing soccer with a half-deflated ball in the churchyard. I almost didn't go in; I wasn't in the mood to struggle through an awkward cultural exchange. But something made me go in the gate, and as soon as I did one of the older boys ran up and asked if I'd like to play ball with them. I have to admit I was nervous- I hadn't played soccer in a long time, let alone with a bunch of young guys who play all the time. I knew I was going to make a fool of myself.

But I took off my shoes, and started playing. And it was, somehow, exactly what I needed. We couldn't really communicate, but I haven't laughed that much in a long time. Every time I messed up they all howled with laughter, but I was amazed by how they continued to include me. I was even more amazed that I scored a few goals (which was probably them being nice as well)! When I left they asked me to come back again sometime. It was maybe the best hour I've spent here, and a gift of grace. It reminded me that God is faithful and attentive to my needs, and that I must continue to trust my life to Him, to open myself to the unexpectedness of His grace in this new place and people.

The kids at MOHI sing a song that goes, "I am not forgotten, God knows my name." The hope and belief that God is with us intimately, that he knows us each by name, runs deep here, and it has been shaking and challenging my faith since I arrived. I have been struggling to believe it about myself, and my life here. But I was reminded of the song last night while playing soccer with a bunch of guys I had never met; in some strange way, I felt seen, cared for, covered over.